Dating In Southern New Jersey

The age old phrase, “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus,” and the book of the same title, could not be truer in the South Jersey Singles Scene. Now, before you typecast me as your typical unfulfilled thirty-something professional looking for love in all of the wrong places, please stay with me for a moment. (And don’t make me beg…I hate having to fall back on bad vices.) I am that same, single professional living in southern NJ that you see at your gym, supermarket, or night spot. I have nothing to hide, just advice to give.

Just like a high school reunion, most singles scene conversations seem to unfold like a job interview. Come on now... if I wanted a copy of your resume, I would simply log on to Career Builder. If I wanted to know who you know or where you’ve traveled, I would have asked for access to your My Space, Facebook or another Social Media Marketing vehicle, or reviewed your credit card statements. It is unfortunate that these days your accomplishments now define you and what you have to offer.

I often hear men and women start a sentence with, “I want, I want, I want…” I personally want to play left-field for the New York Yankees because of the social scene, though I have not shown up at spring training in uniform nor placed a call to George Steinbrenner. Are we at the point where who you date or spend time with is now an overwhelming reflection of who you are? We all yearn to find our soul mate, the one you laugh with, cry with, dine with, sleep with, travel with, and most importantly connect with. You “get” one another. The problem is that after six months or so, what is the next step? You know almost everything about one another, so there becomes this glaring aura that I call, “minimal newness.” Therefore, what does keep the spark, the flame, the bonfire burning ever so brightly? Jazz up the role playing in intimacy? Even with this as a great stepping off point it does not prevent you from sliding back into the doldrums of the “comfortable shoe” syndrome. And for that, my worn out shoe friends, they are still searching for a cure.

So where so we go from here? Do I suggest stop going to the gym, decrease your drive to continue in your career at 150%, or simply become complacent with what you have to offer? No, not at all! Simply step back, and experience an almost out of body moment and begin to re-evaluate. I am very much a realistic, and by that I mean: What you do not like; change. If you do not want to be the tourist in jeans and a J Crew roll neck on the beaches of Avalon in the summer of 2008, join a gym. Maybe strive to advance in your career by using the 30/30 plan. Get to work 30 minutes earlier and leave 30 minutes later.

All of these suggestions should occur as a result of your personal, day to day relationships. All of us gravitate, whether we realize or not, to people, places or events that are constantly in motion. But before any of these changes are made, let’s get back to basics. Save the teleprompter answers for your interview with Oprah. Unless you can spend the weekend sleeping comfortable within its confines, $1500 a month is too much for an automobile payment and I don’t care how well it merges in traffic. Tell me about you. Tell me when you are happy, sad, or indifferent. Unfortunately, many of us, people I know, people I don't know, people all of you know, all remaining nameless to protect the innocent, think with their heads to solve today's issues though are setting themselves up for failure in the near future because the heart was not involved at all. Is this to say every conversation, relationship or decision should be based upon your horoscope with your internal compass revolving around lollipops and puppy dogs? Absolutely not! Easier said done, find the balance between the two. Be true to yourself. If we become reliant on others emotionally, financially, spiritually or whatever, we then in turn lose part of ourselves. The potential all of us are destined to reach is now suffocated, and falling to the wayside. Moving forward into 2009, whether as you dating, network or simply make friends within in your social circle, proceed with an open heart, with and open mind, confident and independent, and with your eyes focused on your dreams. Until next time..